If I know you, you’re probably as much of a fan of Greg Gutfeld as I am. I feel like while Tucker is certainly great, Gutfeld doesn’t get enough attention, but maybe he wants it that way. If any news network were just made up of Greg Gutfeld and Tucker Carlson, it would be the number one news network in the country.

On Friday night, Greg Gutfeld delivered a monologue that was absolutely hilarious…and true. He mocked Biden for over three minutes, touching on Biden’s behavior towards Eva Longoria, his mention of ocean trains that do not exist, his invitation of transgender individuals to the White House lawn, and his family’s alleged corruption.

Here is a transcript of the pertinent pieces of the rant:

The president with no brain thinks we’re building an ocean train. It’s true, old Joe came up with an ingenious transportation plan this week. My god, I hope it’s not plans to build a railroad from the Pacific all the way across the Indian Ocean.

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Get in trouble. Once again the president says out loud that other people are in charge. So, a train across the Indian Ocean. What’s next? An elevator to Narnia? An escalator to Candyland? A beanstalk to Tyrus’ house?

Meantime, you better not ask him about his family’s wheeling and dealing with Ukraine, he’ll get testier than supermodels when they run out of Greg.

…..

Well, someone is doing their best Trump impression. I’m old enough to remember when that behavior was considered hateful.

Later in the evening, Biden held a screening of Eva Longoria’s new movie Flaming Hot. I was really disappointed by the misleading title. Turns out it’s not about Natalie from Facts of Life. She’s still alive, I’m just saying the character doesn’t exist.

Anyway, the audience on the White House lawn featured many Hispanics, and to Joe’s dismay, they weren’t there to mow the grass. I know, I know. He’s a racist. On the bright side, no man flashed his breasts. I wonder if Joe knows Eva for a long time.

…..

Ehh, I didn’t know Eva Longoria was 70. And then later, he went in for a hug that he held a little too long. It’s probably payback for Dr. Jill slapping tongues with Doug Emhoff.

But Eva had to remove his liver-spotted hands from her taut torso, and it’s not his fault, he thought she was an ice cream cone.

Meanwhile, North Carolina focus groups show swing voters are concerned by his advanced age…They feel exhausted and without confidence whenever they see him mumble nonsense or fall flat on his face.